sometimes it’s good to be alone. it gives us a chance to reflect on where we’ve been, where we are, and where we are going. only when you begin to appreciate your own company can you truly appreciate another’s. in order to feel happy alone, we must first build a relationship with ourselves, as one would do to build any relationship with another person.
while we may believe that we already know ourselves, the majority of what we know is probably about who we should or shouldn’t be, as opposed to who we truly are. in this sense, getting to know ourselves is the first step to learning how to be happy alone. everyone needs time to themselves periodically. it’s here where we are able to entirely hear our own thoughts and feelings, process the day, and identify and attend to our needs. being alone simply means that you are physically by yourself. it doesn’t necessarily imply that you’re lonely, which is often a type of discomfort people experience when they don’t have the kind of companionship they desire. and while it’s important to be able to enjoy being alone, we still need to have meaningful relationships in our lives, including friends, family, etc. having said that, when we depend on other people entirely for our happiness, we cede control over our sense of fulfillment to something fleeting and unreliable. there’s a balance that needs to occur.
now this may seem like a lot. and it is! but a common principle that is applied to many aspects in our lives is that there’s no wrong way of going about this. the only “wrong” way, is to not try at all.
this post is about all that i have picked up from my experiences the past 17 years. this is meant to inspire and motivate others to get to know themselves better. my goal is not for others to compare their lives with mine. we are each our own souls, with different experiences, different lives, different emotions, so on and so on. and we must embrace this uniqueness! i simply hope to help light a spark in someone’s journey with themselves. so…here we go 🙂
first and foremost, and i cannot emphasize this enough, please go easy on yourself. everyone experiences loneliness from time to time, and that feeling (like all feelings) is completely valid. you’re less likely to be plunged into sadness if you don’t expect yourself to have a high happiness set point when you’re alone. by normalizing that many people feel less happy when they’re alone, you take the pressure off of yourself to feel happy.
second, get up! make plans! i spoke to my school counselor and she recommended something known as opposite action. if you’re feeling groggy and just want to lay in bed the whole day (totally relatable, don’t get me wrong), sometimes it’s good to counter this and get up and do something for yourself. when we’re sitting around doing nothing, we actually might tend to feel loneliness more acutely. time has a way of slowing down somehow when we dont have plans, which explains what we’re far more likely to feel happy when we don’t have long stretches of empty time. if you’ve had a bad week, try planning for some alone time in advance. and make it enjoyable! alone time becomes a lot more appealing when we associate it with getting to do things we genuinely love and want to do. here are some suggestions i have:
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listen to music
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take a stroll in your neighborhood with or without your pet
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try out that hobby you’ve always wanted to start (painting, baking)
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MEDITATION. we often don’t give ourselves the time in our hectic day to just breathe. no experience is needed. again, the only “wrong” way of meditating is to not do it at all. find a quiet-ish location and attempt to feel that sense of peace and balance.
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read or listen to a podcast
when you fill your time with activities that actually bring you pleasure, you transform alone time from a moment of lack that you’re needing to suffer through into a moment of opportunity that you’re actually excited to partake in. when we reframe solo time in positive ways, the body and mind naturally begin to feel more upbeat. and that’s what we are looking for!
finally, being happy alone does not mean we forgo all social connections. feeling close to others is vital to our well-being. although we want to be comfortable with our solitude, it is healthy to connect with your support system. and remember that i am cheering you on and supporting you ALWAYS.
enjoying your own company means you care about your own personal development and growth, and you genuinely find value in investing time and energy into the things that nature you, the same way you find value in investing in your connections with others. if this isn’t ringing true for you, start there. maybe it’s about learning how to build confidence in yourself. maybe it’s about releasing people-pleasing behaviors. maybe it’s about releasing perfectionist tendencies that lead to self-hatred. maybe it’s about incorporating more positive affirmations into your life. at its core, learning how to be happy alone is about reframing how we think about our alone time, and how we think about ourselves.
this is a process. it will take time and effort. but please trust me when i say that the results are so beyond worth it. i love you all. never forget that. and i am here for you to talk about anything and everything: positiveview8@gmail.com
lots of love,
eliza